In the article titled, “The
Impact of Family Formation Change on the Cognitive, Social and Emotional
Well-Being of the Next Generation”, by Paul Amato, he discusses several studies
that show a greater incidence of behavioral, cognitive and emotional problems that
trouble adolescents and young adults whose parents have divorced. Several conclusions were drawn based on the
meta-analysis of studies available.
First, growing up in a single parent house increases the chances of
depression as an adult (85). Second, the
number of transitions a child experiences including divorce, remarriage,
co-habitation, moving homes, is a good predictor of the problems they will have
as teenagers and young adults (84). Third, losing contact with fathers is one of
the most painful outcomes for children of divorce (83). Fourth, boys are more susceptible to the
consequences of divorce (82). As we
consider these effects on children, we might ask ourselves, how can we ensure
the success of children when a divorce cannot be avoided? Amato states, “Regardless of family
structure, the quality of parenting is one of the best predictors of children’s
emotional and social well-being”. He
explains that even if parents are divorced, if they can work together closely,
to maintain consistency and involvement in parenting, it has shown that
children suffer from fewer problems.
A 20/20
segment from ABC News shows another approach to helping kids cope with a changing
family situation. It describes a “Divorce
School” that kids can attend for 6 weeks.
In this school, they learn what divorce means, how it might affect them
and what various terminology, related to divorce, means. It is also a place where they can meet others
going through a similar situation. These
kids are given a chance to express thoughts and feelings with group therapy or
through art projects. They are also
given the opportunity to visit with a judge who can answer questions about the
process. Parents of children can also
meet together to share experiences and learn how to better help their children
adjust.
Elder Oaks, of the Quorum of the
Twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has stated,
“When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to
have a means to end it.” However, he urges
parents to, “Think first
of the children. Because divorce separates the interests of children from the
interests of their parents, children are its first victims. Scholars of family
life tell us that the most important cause of the current decline in the
well-being of children is the current weakening of marriage, because family instability
decreases parental investment in children.”
I have not experienced divorce
personally, but have watched friends, while growing up, deal with their parents
getting divorced. As an adult, I watch
as people I know get divorced. Not only
do they face incredible challenges, but their children face incredible
challenges.
If you are divorced or are considering divorce, in what
ways can you help your children to cope with the changes they are experiencing? Please feel free to comment and share what
has been helpful in your situation.
Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation
change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next
generation. The Future of Children, 15(2),
75-96.
Divorce School for Kids. (9 minutes) (ABC News, 20/20,
Divorce school for kids)
Oaks,
D.H. (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign.
