President Hinckley of the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints stated:
“I am satisfied that a happy marriage is not so much
a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being
of one’s companion.”
When my Husband and I got married, we received some
very wise counsel from our church leader.
He told us to do two things each day:
1. Pray together
2. Tell each other that you love them
At the time it seemed like a no-brainer, but
over time, as challenges arose, and we struggled to get along, it became more and more
difficult to follow those two pieces of advice.
After being married for 17 years, I have come to realize how
important these two pieces of advice are. I have come to believe that when couples tell each other they love them, and they pray together,
it helps them to focus on the other person, rather than on themselves. We remind not only the other person that they
are important, but in the process remind ourselves that the other person is
important. As we pray together we put
ourselves in a position to not only become closer to God, but to align
ourselves and our spirit with his will, as well as with each others. There have been many times when I was upset
or angry, and though difficult, when we would pray together, I would feel that
anger dissipate. It is a humbling experience to pray together even when you are not getting along.
In a November 1996 Ensign
article titled, “Covenant Marriage”, Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy, of
the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, discusses three wolves that
attack marriage. He lists these three
things as: natural adversity, our own imperfections and excessive
individualism.
I’d like to briefly focus on the second wolf, our own
imperfections.
In Elder Hafen’s article he shares the following two
stories, “One woman told me through her tears
how her husband’s constant criticism finally destroyed not only their marriage
but her entire sense of self-worth. He first complained about her cooking and
housecleaning, and then about how she used her time, how she talked, looked,
and reasoned. Eventually she felt utterly inept and dysfunctional. My heart
ached for her, and for him.
Contrast
her with a young woman who had little self-confidence when she first married.
Then her husband found so much to praise in her that she gradually began to
believe she was a good person and that her opinions mattered. His belief in her
rekindled her innate self-worth.”
What a difference in these two circumstances. Isn’t it amazing to realize how much power we
have to lift up or push down those around us?
Two books that reinforce this idea of
kindness and appreciation in marriage are:
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, by Dr. Laura
Schlessinger
and
The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
In both of these books, it is stressed that kindness
and appreciation are vital to the health of a marriage.
When you consider this topic of kindness versus criticism, in what small ways do you show kindness and appreciation
to your spouse each day?
No comments:
Post a Comment