Families that Play Together, Stay Together

In John Gottman’s book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, he discusses how a couple creates their own ‘micro-culture’ by developing their own customs, rituals and stories.  He states:

“Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores, and making love.  It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together- a culture rich with symbols and rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you and that lead you to understand who you are as a family” (261).

Creating this micro-culture allows couples to feel a deep unity with each other.  In Gottman’s book, he provides several questionnaires that we can use to evaluate how strong our feeling of unity is with our partner.  Gottman explains that creating this culture and unity does not happen overnight, instead, “exploring together is really an ongoing, lifelong process” (276).

As I was considering this information.  I thought about what customs, rituals or stories exist in my own family.  One ritual would be reading scriptures and saying prayers together every day.  Another is having dinner together each night and playing a game together every Monday.  Some of our customs include serving a person’s favorite breakfast on their birthday, celebrating awards received by getting frozen yogurt and opening one gift on Christmas Eve.  We have stories of adventures that often lead to inside jokes.  All of these things create a mini-culture for our family.  If we accidentally miss any of these rituals or customs that have been a part of our life, our kids are always really good at reminding us and keeping us on track.  This mini-culture has created a sense of unity and love in our family, and creates feelings and memories that our kids will take with them as they grow and start their own families.    

What customs, rituals or stories do you have in your family?  Are there things you look forward to doing each year with your partner or family?  

It is like that saying...

Families that Play Together, Stay Together

If you want help coming up with family traditions, take a look at this Book

References:

Gottman, John Mordechai, and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert. New York: Harmony, 2015. Print.