To Cleave Unto...

Genesis 2:24 states, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

Hebrew translation of the word ‘cleave’ includes: keep close, hold fast, joined, pursued, stick together and deeply attracted. 

A few of those struck me.  For example ‘pursued’.  This makes me think about how we should continue to court our spouse even after we are married.  Another, ‘deeply attracted’, makes me think of magnets that are stuck together.  If they are strong, it is very hard to separate them.  They essentially become “one”. 

One important way to cleave unto our spouse is to put them first.  When you are newly married, it is a big transition for everyone.  Parents are learning to step back, and you as a couple are learning to put each other first, while still maintaining loving and meaningful relationship with families on both sides.  As couples cleave to each other, they are able to build a deep and lasting relationship by working through problems and challenges and sharing joys and accomplishments.

President Spencer W. Kimball stated, “Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks.  You love them more than ever; you cherish their counsel; you appreciate their association; but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it.  To cleave does not mean merely to occupy the same home; it means to adhere closely, to stick together.”

Kimball also said, “Even the children must take their proper but significant place.  I have seen some women who give their children that spot, that preeminence, in their affection and crowd out the father.  That is a serious mistake.” 

This can be a real challenge.  And it may happen so gradually that you won’t even realize there is a problem, until the relationship has already been damaged.  Two ways couples can keep each other number one in their relationship is by having weekly date nights and weekly/regular family councils.  These may seem silly, however, both with help couples to reconnect and keep priorities in the proper order.  

For help with date nights, check out John Gottman's book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

For help with family councils, check out this link  


Harper, J. M. & Olsen, S. F. (2005). "Creating Healthy Ties With In-Laws and Extended Families." In C. H. Hart, L.D. Newell, E. Walton, & D.C. Dollahite (Eds.), Helping and healing our families: Principles and practices inspired by "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (pp. 327-334). Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Book Company.